5 Tips to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

In trying to live fully and joyfully, one big struggle that I constantly encounter is comparison. Male or female, married or single, student or worker, this struggle doesn’t seem to discriminate. At every stage of my own life, I have struggled with comparing myself to others. 

In college, I always wished to be one of the girls with a boyfriend who would get engaged senior year and married soon after college. After college, I still struggled with being single when everyone around me seemed to be getting married and having kids. Even now, comparing myself to other moms is very real.

The truth is, the seasons of life have changed over the years, but the underlying struggle has not. And the reality is this, I have the greatest husband in the world and a beautiful daughter. I am gifted with the ability to stay home full time with her during the work week. We live in a lovely home and we have everything we need, plus some. God’s hand has always been directing the events of my life (even when it wasn’t the way I thought I wanted). It is beautiful and I could not ask for more. What a gift! SO why do I spend so much time looking around me, comparing my story to theirs?

Knowing full well that this is a struggle so many have, I wanted to share with you five tips that I have learned over the years to help me combat this constant battle. Keep in mind, I’m telling myself these things again, because I need to hear them! 

5 Tips to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

1. Prayer 

On Ash Wednesday of this past Lent, my deepest fears were confirmed. I was, indeed having a miscarriage. After discovering this while dealing with being transitioned out of my job as a youth minister, I was having a hard time not comparing myself to others.

That Lent, though, the Holy Spirit inspired a different idea for a Lenten practice: pray with Matthew 14:22-33, the walking on water story, through all of Lent.  

In doing this seemingly monotonous thing, I discovered something important. Keeping your eyes on Jesus is key. It sounds cliche, but comparison fo me was akin to Peter taking his eyes off Jesus, looking at the waves and allowing himself to become consumed by them. 

Pray. Keep your eyes on Jesus. And don’t let the “waves” of everyone else’s life steal your peace and joy. It’s not worth it. When you notice yourself sinking into the ocean of comparison, imagine yourself walking on the water and keep your eyes on Jesus. It really makes all the difference.

2. Trust

Read Psalm 139 slowly.

If you really believe those words in the depths of your heart, you will find you have a God who not only loves you, but created you with unfathomable love and care (v. 13). You will find a God who etched your names into his book and formed all your days before you had ever taken shape (v. 16). 

This is a God who was intentional when he made us. And if he takes delight in our very being, who are we to start comparing ourselves to those around us? 

He delights in you. He loves you. He is dazzled by you. 

You can believe him. You can trust him. 

3. Gratitude

Comparison takes our focus off of the great gifts in front of us and reminds us of what we don’t have. Gratitude combats this because we give thanks for the great gifts that do exist in our lives. It’s so humbling. Take time each day to make a list of things in your life that you are grateful for. It’s a game changer.

I also highly encourage you to ask God for the gift of gratitude. I do this sometimes and it’s pretty crazy the way my attitude changed. I became so much more grateful for such tiny things I hadn’t noticed before! He can’t refuse such a simple prayer! 

4. Relationship

The more you know someone, the more you can love someone. The more you love someone, the more you will their good.

I can easily say that the better I know someone, the less I find myself playing the comparison game. The deeper the relationship, the better I understand their joys, fears, struggles, and I realize that each person and each situation is unique and intricate and comparing myself to them does no good because our lives are so vastly different. It’s so much easier to celebrate their joys and accompany them in their sorrows when there’s a deep relationship that has moved past the whole comparison game. 

5. Social Media

This one is simple. Get off social media, or at least moderate your use of it. This is the single place I struggle the most deeply with comparison. Some days I might feel down or want to check out, so I scroll Facebook. But in an instant, I see everyone posting about their lovely lives and fun days and it can feel so hopeless and disheartening. It’s the whole issue of comparing your ordinary life to someone else’s highlight reel. It’s just not fair to yourself. As I said above, peoples’ lives and circumstances are so vastly different we just can’t compare ourselves to them. Not only that, but we don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. 

The remedy? Fast from social media. Take a week off. Experience freedom. If you choose to return, do it in moderation. Check it once a day or once a week. Life continues on, even when you don’t have social media. There are other ways to communicate. I spent several years off Facebook and I loved it. 

In short, it’s hard to stop playing the comparison game, but I hope these tips can help you! I still struggle with it daily, but I desire total freedom from it. If you do too, let’s make a resolution together. What action item will you take away from this? What is one way you wish to combat the comparison in your life? Comment below and we can pray for each other!

For prayer and reflection: 

Do some Lectio Divina with Psalm 139:1-18 or Matthew 14:22-33

• Read the passage – identify a word or phrase that sticks out
• Read the passage again – ask God why this word or phrase is sticking out, listen for an answer, write down what you hear
• Read the passage again – speak to God about this, have a conversation, and don’t forget to listen
• Read the passage one final time – spend this time in silence, abiding with God, allowing him to love you and speak to your heart

What is one area you struggle the most with comparison? Ask God to bring light to this area and speak truth into it. 

What is one resolution you’d like to set for the coming week to help you stop comparing yourself to others?