Are You Wasting Your Time on Your Children?

Our society is hyper-focused on productivity. I could see it in high school students who were in twenty different time-consuming activities while taking ten different high level courses all while trying to hold down a full time job. Alright, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but whether you’re a high school student trying to build the resume for college applications or parents trying to provide all the best opportunities for their children, there’s a high societal (and also internal) pressure to perform, to win, to be the best, to have the best, to do the best.

I’m a stay at home mom with two little children. I often times feel this temptation that I need to “do” more or bring in additional income for the family. I feel conflicted about what else (besides raising kids) that God might be asking me to do. Why? I’m not totally sure. I think it’s a pressure that I’ve placed upon myself, or a narrative from society that has seeped into my psyche that’s telling me I’m “just” a stay at home mom and I could be doing more. Or it could be a product of that insidious vice of comparison that tells me I could also have a cool online business selling some really hip catholic product (which I would actually love to do, and I think it’s awesome so many people do).

Some people are called to do different ministries or work or activities. But ultimately for me, my duty of this present moment is to waste my time on my children, and it’s ok that I don’t have other more “productive” ventures going on in my life right now.

My duty is what?!

Yes, I said it. My duty is to “waste” my time. Your duty is to “waste” your time. Waste your time on your children. Maybe you work full time, maybe you work part time, or maybe you care for little ones all day. But the thing is, sometimes we need to forget the dishes and the tasks that are (sometimes perpetually) waiting to be done at the end of the day. We need to forget our side hustles, our busy work, or our blog posts for a moment, because our children need us. They need our love and attention.

A few months ago, I talked with a friend about this battle. The battle that arises between our productivity and calling and contentedness in regards to our current vocation. It was back in December, I was still in the newborn days with Nathanael. Having a second baby disrupted my routines and ability to accomplish all the things I was able to before, whether that be a consolidated time of prayer each day, get the kitchen cleaned, and get blog posts out regularly – among other things. It was, yet again, a shift in figuring out who I was as a wife and mother, now to two littles. After reflecting on that conversation, I wrote this in my journal. I don’t remember anymore if these are her words or a summary of our conversation, but this is what I wrote:

Allow yourself to rest and enjoy the fruit of your labor, your children. Let yourself “waste” your time sitting, holding, loving your baby. Don’t apologize for your non-productivity. This is truly your most important duty of the present moment. Live it!

Give Yourself Permission

We have no greater duty in this present moment than to waste time on our children. So give yourself permission to put your to-do list aside and love them in the way that only you are able! Regardless of whether you work or stay at home, it’s easy to lose sight of the great gift that is before us in our children. There is no better parent for your children than you, so live into that calling. Lavish them with your love and attention. After all, those dishes will always be waiting for you, but children grow up far too quickly. St. Gianna Beretta Molla said it best, “Live holy the present moment!”

Parents, can you “waste time” with your children? It is one of the most important things that you can do each day.

— Pope Francis (@Pontifex) October 27, 2015

For Reflection

• What tasks or duties do you most struggle to put aside?
• How present are you to your children?
• Do you feel a pressure to do more? Where is this pressure coming from?

Bring these things to Jesus. Let him speak to you about this.

Like what you read?

Get e-mail reminders in your inbox so you won’t miss anything! I usually post around two times per month, depending on what life throws at me (lately it’s been a lot less).