What’s essential?

After a youth group meeting, a student who had been absent most of the year came up to me and apologized. This student apologized for not being there, but was ready to jump back into meetings now that their other activities were over. And then this person said something that I’ve never quite forgotten. “Mrs. Peiffer, I have a lot of priorities, and this is definitely still one of my top priorities.” 

Hold that thought… “This is definitely still one of my top priorities.”

What’s a priority?

In the dictionary, priority means “the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important.”  This student was absent for most of the year and chose many activities over youth group. According to this definition, that’s the opposite of making something a priority. 

I tell this story for a few different reasons. Not to hate on high school students who have so many different activities and opportunities vying for their time, that’s nothing new after years of youth ministry. My goal is to illustrate a point. So many people have so many “priorities,” that even though they feel like it’s possible to prioritize them all, something always falls to the bottom of the list, and usually more than one thing.

I read a book this year called “Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” by Greg McKeown. This book is labeled as a business book, but there are so many great takeaways that can be applied to our journey of faith. The general purpose of the book is to teach how doing less, but doing it better, can lead us to a more full life doing the things and being with the people that are most important.  He even included a whole chapter on how to say no. It’s an important lesson for all of us, myself included.

Near the beginning of this book, McKeown says “the word priority came into the English language in the 1400s. It was singular. It meant the very first or prior thing. It stayed singular for the next five hundred years.”  Until the past one hundred years, “priorities” wasn’t a word in anyone’s vocabulary. People rightly understood priority as the most important thing, the most essential thing. 

What’s essential in your life? 

As Christians, the most essential thing is ordering our lives toward Christ, seeking his will and serving him in order to attain our end goal of heaven. Of course, this can look so different from person to person on a daily basis. We are all different. We are called to do different things. Often times, however, we lose sight of Christ. We fail to order our lives toward him because of sin. In particular, in our culture, this sin has taken the shape of busyness. 

Over years of ministry, I have seen teens committing to work, extracurriculars, difficult coursework, and trying to maintain social lives. I see parents who have to support their kids through this, while maintaining careers, physique, social status, running other kids to this or that activity, and staying active with schools, parishes, sports teams, etc. But here’s what happens. We can’t do everything well. When we try to do everything, we end up doing nothing well and the end result is stress, unhappiness, burnout, lack of time to live abundantly and embrace the faith.

This journey toward living for what is essential started to take shape for me in college. I was always stressed out, trying to double major, graduate in four years, study abroad, maintain my grades, stay involved on campus, and keep up with my friends.  It’s easy to see things in hindsight, but I would’ve dropped the music major in order to pursue more theology classes, saving me hours spent in practice rooms each evening. I would have dropped some other campus activities that I didn’t find life giving so I could have more time to invest in friendships. My sanity is what took the hit – I really struggled with anxiety my senior year in college. It’s impossible to have it all. 

Reflecting on what’s essential

If you’re not sure what is essential in your life, now is a great chance to reflect on that. The reality is that what we are willing to do or not do with our time will tell us what we have made to be the priority in our lives. When sports outweigh our ability to attend mass on Sundays, sports have become essential.  When we constantly scroll through our phones, ignoring those around us and the opportunities to be present, social media has become essential. When we don’t have any time to eat dinner as a family, whatever is taking up that time is more essential than our family. I know that life is busy, schedules are full, and some seasons of life are busier and harder than others, but we should never be so busy that we don’t have time for God or for our family.

This is a difficult battle, but one we cannot afford to stop fighting. I struggle so often with making sacrifices to stay focused on what I really feel called to be doing. There have been several opportunities in the past year I have said no to because I didn’t feel as though they were essential in my life.  As I practice saying no, I learn that I give a deeper “yes” to other areas of my life. The result is finding a deeper joy and ability to be present.

As we ponder the opportunity for new beginnings, growth, and change, let’s also ponder what has become essential in our lives. Let’s reset and restart the areas in which we have failed. Let’s deepen and strengthen the areas in which we have succeeded. And let’s always support and love one another on this journey to heaven. 

For reflection and prayer:

• What demands your time? 
• What do you love doing? 
• What do you not love doing? 
• Why are you doing all the things that you spend the most time doing? 
• Do you have time and space in your life to strive for heaven? 
• Do you have time for Sunday mass, for prayer? 
• Do you have time to spend with your family? 
• Do you have time to eat together and play together? 

Create a resolution: 

• What is one non-essential thing you want to pull back from and say no?  
• What is one thing where you’d like to give a deeper “yes” and invest more of your time and efforts? 
• Now go do it!