When Prayer Doesn’t Work

Before you begin, read Mark 5:21-43

I have been thinking about prayer a lot lately. Not necessarily how do I pray or what should I pray, but rather what is prayer, really? How does prayer work? Why doesn’t prayer work better? I mean, let’s be honest, I feel like most people (myself included) have wondered why God isn’t answering their prayers.

Now, this is such an incredibly broad topic I won’t be able to talk about it from every aspect. So today, I’m addressing the “big” stuff. Why did I have a miscarriage even though I lifted up desperate, incessant prayers that it wouldn’t happen? Why did my daughter/son/mother/father not recover from a life threatening illness or cancer? Why did my child/sister/brother/parents go through a divorce, even though I sacrificed and prayed so ardently that their marriage would find healing and reconciliation?

I’m not claiming to have the answers. My writing is a fruit of my prayer.  So what I do want to share with you is the insight I’ve gained through prayer and scripture recently in hopes that you gain something from it too. 

The Key Jairus Holds

One of my favorite passages to pray with is Mark 5:21-43. It’s the story of two healings, Jairus’ daughter and the hemorrhaging woman. I usually gravitate towards praying with the hemorrhaging woman. It’s really beautiful to imagine yourself as that woman, seeking out the hem of Jesus’ robe, touching it, and coming face to face with Jesus. Then telling him the whole truth of your life and all you desire to be healed. There’s power in that encounter with Jesus in the scriptures, not only for that woman 2,000 years ago, but for us, here and now.  

I felt drawn to this passage again, but I felt a nudge that I shouldn’t skip over Jairus this time. As I was reading, the story of Jairus was made totally new. Journey with me for a few moments.

The Faithful Waiting of Jairus

Jairus falls to the feet of Jesus, begging that he would heal his dying daughter. Jesus follows him without hesitation, and the whole crowd follows Jesus. Can you imagine? Your daughter is on her deathbed, you’ve left her side to seek out Jesus for healing, and when Jesus is about to follow you home, the “great crowd followed him and thronged about him” (Mk 5:24).  And then the whole episode of the hemorrhaging woman occurs. How long do you think that took? What would be going through your mind? I’d be going through a cycle of frustration, rage, panic, fear, grief, and loss. Honestly, I’d probably be ready to rage at the crowd, telling them to leave Jesus alone so he can come heal my daughter. 

Of course, we don’t see Jairus’ internal response to everything that’s going on. But I could imagine that if he was willing to leave his daughter on her deathbed to find Jesus, he must have had a really, really deep faith to trust that it would all work out. Perhaps he trusted without fear. Ultimately Jesus heals the woman, and they continue on toward his house. When Jairus was told that his daughter had actually died, you could almost feel the hopelessness. 

Let go. 

Give up. 

She’s gone.

Don’t bother the teacher anymore.

But then – Jesus speaks,

“Do not fear, only believe.” 

In the face of laughter and ridicule, what words, what depth, what weight they carry. 

Jairus, do not worry. Do not listen to the crowd. Keep praying. Keep believing in me. Your story isn’t over yet.

This moment holds everything for me. I think this exact moment is why I struggle so deeply with the outcomes of “unanswered” prayer. In this life, we can’t see the big picture. We can’t always see what our prayers are “doing,” whether it’s in our own life or the lives of others. Often times, we hang in the balance of watching life pass us by, seeing the prayers of others fulfilled in a way that’s seemingly so quick and easy, and wondering when it’s our turn. We follow after Jesus in faith, and suddenly it’s as if we hear those words, “Your daughter is dead. Don’t trouble the teacher any longer” (v. 35), and we want to give up. Go home. Stop praying. 

The Work Isn’t Finished Yet

When our prayers seem to go unanswered, the work isn’t finished yet. When everything seems to be over and lost, Jesus is whispering to us, just as he did to Jairus, “Do not fear, only believe.”  When babies are lost and loved ones die and marriages fail, it’s not over yet.

Jesus speaks these words to you, just as he spoke them to Jairus. Do not worry. Do not listen to the crowd. Keep praying. Keep believing in me. Your story isn’t over yet.

When it seems like there’s no way out of the crucible, keep praying and keep following Jesus. He’s not done yet. 

The hard part is that we can’t see the transformation of death and suffering here and now. There are some who will see good outcomes and tangible resurrection on this side of heaven, but some must wait in faith. 

I can’t help but think of St. Monica who prayed for the conversion of her son, Augustine, for over 30 years before she would see his conversion to Christianity. And it would only be after her death that Augustine would rise to great levels of sanctity. That resurrection moment was a long time coming, and she really only witnessed its fullness after her earthly life had ended.

Stick With It

In the end, this passage helped me to realize that when prayer is hard and when it feels like it’s just not working, I need to stick with Jesus. In the waiting, I may have the great privilege of seeing miracles and healings. I may see God doing his good and powerful work in the lives of others, and for that I can rejoice. When it seems that all hope is lost for me, I am reminded that I must keep hoping and praying and having faith, because my story isn’t over. The cross comes before the crown. My prayers are still in progress. He’s alive and well and moving through the crowd as real as he was 2,000 years ago, it’s just harder to see him.  It requires eyes of faith that can see beyond the surface. 

In short, when you struggle with prayer that isn’t “working,” hang on tight. Jesus is with you, suffering in and through you. Silence your heart and hear those words whispered once again into your life, “Do not fear, only believe.”

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For prayer:

One great way to pray with scriptures is Ignatian meditation. It’s a type of prayer where you enter into the story imaginatively and allow yourself to experience it for yourself. Use the prompts below to help you pray with this passage.

Read Mark 5:21-43

• Place yourself in the story. Who are you? Jairus? The hemorrhaging woman? A bystander?
• What do you see, hear, feel, smell?
• Do you fall at the feet of Jesus? What do you beg for? What is the “whole truth” you tell him? 
• How does Jesus look upon you? 
• Spend some more time with this scripture, allowing yourself to imagine and experience. Journal about it if you enjoy praying in that way.
• What are your biggest takeaways from this time? What do you need to tell Jesus? What is he telling you?
• What are your greatest fears and obstacles to prayer? Do you trust in Jesus’ goodness? Do you believe he wants to heal you? Speak to Jesus about these things.
• Create one tangible action item that stems from this time of prayer and put it into practice.