May You Find the Light in the Darkness

We found ourselves in the emergency room with our six week old. Our house was yet another casualty of RSV this season, and despite our best efforts to protect our six week old from it, we found ourselves rushing him to the hospital because we were concerned by his breathing that night.

After getting him evaluated, he was given oxygen and his body found some rest and relief. And they wanted to admit him. An outcome I honestly wasn’t expecting when we took him in.

As we sat in our dimmed room waiting for a hospital bed to be prepared for us, I contemplated the darkness of that moment. The emergency room is, in a sense, a place of darkness. People go there in need, in pain, in panic, sometimes in desperation for answers. We were sitting in our dark room, in hopes of allowing Nicholas to sleep as it was quite past his bedtime.

After a few hours we were moved to the ICU, where we were met with a barrage of nurses who seemed excited to see a baby on the floor, a spectacle in a hospital that doesn’t have a pediatric unit. We would spend three nights and three days in the hospital, receiving the care of nurses and doctors who made sure he was breathing and healing and comfortable through the worst of the virus.

After two nights in the hospital with Nicholas, I was beyond exhausted, so Jon took over the third night. When I stepped outside, I was almost shocked to feel the freezing wind and icy ground under foot. It was as if time had ceased to exist, I was unaware of what was going on outside the confines of that room. My mind was incapable of wandering elsewhere.

The Darkness of Advent

It definitely didn’t feel like Advent, it didn’t feel like Christmas was right around the corner. I had not considered the thought of Christmas gifts or food preparation or family gatherings.

Yet I did consider the darkness of Advent, the waiting, the longing for light. In some ways our time at the hospital very much reminded me of the longing of this season. The desire for rest and light, for joy and peace, all of which is brought by the mystery of the Word Made Flesh, Jesus in the form of a helpless babe.

Are not we all, in this advent of life, waiting for something greater? Waiting for light to break through the darkness and struggle of our circumstances? I can honestly say I’ve never felt such a strong desire to escape my circumstances as I have these past two weeks. It has been so very hard and exhausting. But we are in that phase of life, when little kids bring viruses home from preschool and they spread to each family member, one by one. We are the sick, caring for the sick, and worrying about the sick in our midst.

Light in the Midst of Darkness

But as I considered this time, caring for sick kids and slowly passing the time in hospital room, I considered the light that was there in the midst of the darkness:

The light can be found in the darkness, if we just look for it. And in this life that can weigh upon us weary travelers, when we find the light, it brings moments of rest and relief and more importantly, glimpses of the Light that is to come into the world.

I pray that as we approach the birth of Christ at Christmas, you may find the Light in the darkness that surrounds you.

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