My Domestic Church: Parents are the Models · Come Alive

Have you ever noticed how young kids are like tape recorders? You really have to watch what you say around them. One day I was driving Lucy somewhere and I was getting really frustrated. At one point, I said “Geez people!” in a very frustrated tone and a moment later I heard that little voice from the back seat “geez peee-ple, geez peee-ple.” Little ones don’t limit themselves to what they repeat, however. Hence the reason it’s so important to watch what you say.

Children absorb so much from their parents. When they are young, it’s important to watch what you say, but this doesn’t change as they get older. Not only do they absorb your words, they also absorb your habits, attitudes, and behaviors. This is why it’s so important for parents, as the head of their domestic church, to reflect for a bit and consider the kind of people you want your children to be. And more than that, we must take an even harder look at ourselves. We must consider how this desire for our children compares to the kind of people they would become if they imitated our habits, attitudes, and behaviors.

For example, when I was a middle school religion teacher, I would hear the funniest and saddest things that I knew came straight from their parents. Some things I heard were cringeworthy (and unworthy of repeating). Some would have been very embarrassing for the parents. Other things were political in nature and thus you knew it was a regurgitation of things they heard at home.

Time for Self-Reflection

As heads of the domestic church in your own household, it’s so important to self reflect every now and then and consider: how am I living the faith out loud? How do my children perceive the way I live my faith? Can they see it?

While we do this, there is much to be gained by looking to the communion of saints for cues. There are lots of priestly and religious saints, but there are also many beautiful married saints that we can imitate.

Saints Louis and Zélie Martin

You may be aware that I have a deep devotion to St. Therese of Lisieux. When the cause for the canonization of her parents was opened up, I became more interested in learning about them as well. They have such a beautiful story. Not only is it a story of deep faith and successful parenting, they suffered much. It is through the crucible of suffering that their lives were refined as gold in the fire. It didn’t just refine their faith, but it made them powerful and sincere leaders of their own domestic church.

A Life of Suffering

Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin both separately discerned the religious life and were ultimately led to one another. They eventually bore nine children. These children were their joy and their cross. In a matter of 3 years, between 1867 – 1870, four of their children died.

Only a woman of deep, deep faith can utter words like these at the loss of so many of her children:

“When I closed the eyes of my dear children and prepared them for burial, I was indeed grief-stricken, but, thanks to God’s grace, I have always been resigned to His will. I do not regret the pains and sacrifices I underwent for them…They’re enjoying heaven now. Moreover, I have not lost them always. Life is short, and I shall find my little ones again in heaven.”
The Parents of St. Therese, Fr. James Geoghegan, O.C.D.

Suffering did not drive her from her God, but rather gave her greater hope and faith in him. Imagine how powerful this witness would be for the remaining children.

In 1873, Zélie gave birth to her youngest, Thérèse, and the child she knew would be her last. By this time, Zélie had suffered from breast cancer and knew the end was near. She took her older girls on a pilgrimage to Our Lady of Lourdes in France, hoping to be cured of her illness. Unfortunately, she was not cured and her older daughters were so disappointed. She reassured them with these words, “Our Lady said to me as she said to Bernadette, ‘I will make you happy, not in this world but in the next.'” Again, only a woman of deep faith can utter words like this with confidence. She cast herself fully into the arms of Divine Providence. (source: The Parents of St. Therese)

Quiet Leadership, a Heart of Love

I have said a lot about Zélie, but Louis was so strong in his faith too. After his beloved wife died, he was left to care for his five remaining daughters on his own. And in order for them to have a motherly influence in their life, he closed up his watchmaking shop, retired early and moved to Lisieux where they could be close to their Aunt Céline Guérin (Zélie’s sister). He made great sacrifices by uprooting his life in Alençon.

As their life continued on, he spent his retired life on his hobbies like gardening and watchmaking, but also spent a great deal of time with his daughters. We cannot forget that he spent a great deal of his time in prayer and spiritual reading as well. He continued to lead his domestic church in the best way he knew – through his life of prayer and investing himself into the lives of his daughters.

To the Convent

Eventually, his daughters started asking his permission to enter Carmel, a cloistered Carmelite convent in Lisieux. First his daughter Pauline then Marie. Soon enough, Thérèse was asking permission from her father to enter at the age of 14. He initially thought she was too young, but ultimately traveled with her to Rome to seek permission from the Pope. When a friend compared Louis’ sacrifices of his daughters to cloistered communities to the sacrifice of Abraham, his response was this:

Yes, if I were in Abraham’s place I would have made the same offering, but at the same time I’d have been praying and praying and praying. I’d have been lifting the knife terribly, terribly slowly and asking God to send the angel and the ram.” The next day he wrote to his Breton friend, “Thérèse, my little queen, entered Carmel yesterday. God alone can exact such a sacrifice, but he helps me mightily so that in the midst of my tears my heart overflows with joy.
The Parents of St. Therese, Fr. James Geoghegan, O.C.D.

Eventually all five of his daughters would become nuns. In his earthy life, this was a great sacrifice for him.

In their marriage, we see two ordinary people living ordinary lives with an extraordinary faith, building up their domestic church. Sts. Louis and Zélie were rooted in their prayer and relationship with Jesus. They willingly lived their lives in joy and suffering, and were repaid 100 fold as they lived. I can only imagine how much more they were repaid for their sacrifices in eternity.

For Prayer and Reflection

Looking at their stories and reflecting on our own lives is a beautiful opportunity. It is a chance for us to look at the character of their lives and consider how we are living our own faith because, as we can see, our children will follow our lead. So let’s examine how we are actually living our faith and take one or two concrete resolutions away from this time to begin this beautiful work of striving to be better leaders of our domestic church.

Questions for prayer and reflection:

Am I committed to daily prayer? Do my children ever see me pray?
Does my daily prayer ever include my children?
Do I attend mass regularly on Sundays, never allowing for excuses to skip? Does Sunday mass hold a high place of importance, not surpassed by things like sports, busyness, or travel?
Do I receive the sacraments on a regular basis, especially confession (ideally monthly)? Do I make it a point to take my children with me?
How do I respond to suffering in my life? Do I submit control to God and trust him in the suffering?
Is there a spirit of openness surrounding the faith in your home? Is it something you speak of and speak about often?
If the faith were to disappear from your life entirely, would your life make sense? In other words, are your decisions, your loves, your free times – your life – so rooted in Jesus Christ that without him, nothing would make sense?
Do I surrender the big and difficult decisions to God’s will and listen for his will in prayer?