Unmet Expectations

Let’s get real for a moment and talk about unmet expectations. We all have hopes and dreams for how our life should be, but if you’re a normal human being, from time to time what you think your life should be and what it is simply don’t match up. A solution to this problem could be to live without expectations. But it’s hard to live without expectations, though one could argue this brings a level of peace and contentment to our lives. When we drop the expectations, we can be open to receive whatever happens, good or bad.  In my experience though, this is very hard to do. I find myself constantly battling what I desire and what I see in front of me.

Pinterest Perfect

Sometimes, Pinterest shatters our expectations. We overestimate our own abilities to create whatever art project or delightfully delicious dessert some expert has crafted and photographed perfectly. Sometimes, we deeply desire to create the perfect Peppa Pig birthday cake for our dear daughter’s second birthday celebration. And through the encouragement of your younger sister, you have a great deal of confidence. Perfectionist that she is, you know that with her help, it will be perfect. It sometimes happens, however, that the outcome is so far from what you expected that you have nothing to do but create a “nailed it” meme and double over in laughter because it’s so, so funny. It turns out that the birthday girl can still identify it, dubbing it a “Peppasode.”

Another example is our honeymoon. My expectation was that we’d go on a fun, relaxing trip to Hilton Head, SC and then spend a couple days in Savannah, GA and then head home. Easy peasy, right? I prayed so hard for beautiful weather and no hurricanes. All was going to be just fine! Everything was fine… until it wasn’t. Turns out that Hurricane Matthew rolled through town. Twenty four hours after arriving in South Carolina, we were packing our bags and getting out of there because they were evacuating the island. We then spent approximately six hours driving north in terrible construction traffic to Asheville, NC. We spent a day with my aunt and uncle in North Carolina before we head out to Atlanta for our last three days. Honestly, every once in a while, I’m still disappointed we didn’t get our fun, “beachy” honeymoon. 

Moving into 2020, I found myself facing many more unmet expectations.  I was hoping to be holding a second little baby and working happily at my part-time ministry job. Instead, I have been blessed so immensely to be at home full time with my daughter, and that truly has been a gift.  Each month we desire a new baby, but we continue to wait. This one is a special challenge because it has been a repetitive occurrence that we have to face each month.  My biggest fear after miscarriage was that we wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again. My expectation was that this wouldn’t actually come to fruition, but now I am living my biggest fear. I know this is a difficult unmet expectation that so many silently struggle with month after month and year after year.

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus

Expectations can be brutal. But here are a couple things that have really helped me to accept these in my life. 

1. Always look to Jesus. When you are walking on the sea that is life and the waves of unmet expectation and disappointment start to overwhelm you, you have to look at Jesus. Directly after the miscarriage, this was my lenten resolution. When I struggled, I visualized myself looking at Jesus while I was walking in the midst of the waves. It helped immensely when I actually did it. When my gaze rests on the waves and I get disappointed or sad or angry or depressed that life isn’t going how I expected it to go, I will sink like a rock, just like Peter.
2. We must place our hope in Jesus, not in any specific outcome. And lest you think I’m far more virtuous than I actually am, I’m desperately trying to learn this, but it’s SO hard. My faith in him shouldn’t be tied to what I get from him or how he answers my prayers. Lately though, I have found that it is. We all know that with prayer, so much is happening that we can’t see. Just because we haven’t received what we want in the way we want it, it doesn’t mean our prayer isn’t being answered and it doesn’t mean that Jesus isn’t with us.

You Are Not Alone

So, as I wrap up here, please know a couple of things. First, when you struggle that life isn’t turning out quite how you wanted, you are not alone. Second, when you can learn to accept these difficulties and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, you won’t struggle in quite the same way with the rolling and pitching of the waves. He will keep you steady. And finally, if you can laugh in the face of struggle with the people that you love — that doubled over, belly aching, can’t catch my breath sort of laughter, it will truly lighten your load.

Oh, and if you want to make your own delicious Peppa Pig cake, check out this recipe. You won’t regret it, even if doesn’t look as good as you’d like it to, it will taste heaven-sent.

For prayer and reflection:

• What unmet expectations have you struggled with the most?
• What are the areas you struggle to hope in Jesus?
• Invite Jesus into all these places. Close your eyes and imagine going there with Jesus. Let him heal your disappointments, shape your desires, and fulfill all of your unmet expectations.
• Check out this Ignatian gospel reflection for deeper prayer with the Peter walking on water passage: Have No Fear